Trying.

If only I wasn't
so hurt by this.
If only I could find some healing 
in trying 
and writing.

If only I wasn't
so floored by this.
If only I could lift myself up
by trying,
and praying.

If only I wasn't 
so scuppered by this.
If only I could ignore the lies
by trying,
and singing.

If only I wasn't
so frustrated by this.
If only I could start again
by trying, 
and painting.

If only I wasn't 
so hammered  by this.
If only I could pick myself up
by trying 
and baking.

If only I wasn't 
so threatened by this.
If only I could fight back 
by trying
and screaming.

If only I wasn't
so alone in this.
If only I could make friends
by trying 
and talking.

If only I wasn't
so depressed by this.
If only I could cheer myself up
by trying 
and drinking.

If only I wasn't
so trying.